Almost Famous

Lying on the floor in our living room, staring at the black and white images of the 4 Boone sisters on the cover of their LP- I dreamed, even then, of singing my way to fame. I don't remember how old I was, but I couldn't have been much older than 3.

Singing and dancing have been a part of my story since the very beginning and I've got the video footage to prove it. I was that typical kid- singing into the hairbrush in front of the mirror- but I wasn't just playing, in my mind, I was practicing for the real thing. From the Grease Soundtrack in the late seventies, a leopard printed Amy Grant in the eighties, to the discovery of "my style of music" in the Sheryl Crow of the nineties, I don't recall a time where music didn't define the mindset of the moment.

Growning up in a fairly conservative Christian home, made my musical influences somewhat limited for the majority of my young life. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because it caused me to discover the distinctions between the secular and the sacred. Praise and worship music was a constant even when bookended by "Stayin' Alive" or "Billy Jean". I sensed a difference then, I know the difference now- one can, at best, hope to chance my mood, the other can change my life.

This became all too clear a few years back when my life truly came to a personal crossroads. In my mid-twenties, I started to seriously pursue avenues that I thought would lead me to my place in the music industry. I wrote songs, took guitar classes, voice lessons and joined a few bands as a back-up singer. I was loving every minute of it when I was offered a full fledged position as the lead singer for a local secular band. If I were to accept the job, it would mean that I would have all my weekends reserved for shows and I would be very busy with traveling and promotions.

To anyone with a life-long dream like mine, this would seem like a huge opportunity. But instead of being elated, I felt completely deflated- like someone had sucked the life right out of me. I think I had come to realize I was empty. There was nothing life giving or life affirming in what I was doing. I could get out there and sing my heart out to a song and it meant nothing...to me or to anyone listening. I was waisting my breath.

The day came where I had to give the band manager my decision. I was riding in the car with Jason begging him for advice and assurance of what I was supposed to do. I don't remember what I was saying, but mid-sentence I stopped. I stopped because I heard the voice of the Lord saying loud and clear, "I gave you a voice so that you would sing for Me!"

I'm sure that if I could have seen my face at that moment, my eyes would have been opened wide and my mouth wide open. After a few seconds in that shocked state, I said "Oh my gosh! I'm supposed to be a worship leader!" At this point, I'm sure Jason was aware that there was some kind of internal dialog going on which preceded my statement, to which he responded, "Well finally!"

I don't know how long Jason had been telling me that same thing, but I wasn't listening. Singing secular music was "safe" for me. I didn't feel vulnerable, I didn't feel any emotions that I couldn't control, I didn't feel any responsibility for anything. It wasn't until I heard it- straight from the mouth of God- that I was willing to take on what I now see as my life's calling. It's a scary thing to jump out of the boat onto the raging sea of the unknown and keep your eyes firmly focused on Jesus to keep you walking on the water.

I guess it's been about 4 years now since I accepted the "call". I never dreamed back in the days of my childhood that my love of music would have lead me here. It's so much more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. Fame has nothing on leading God's people to His feet and worshiping Him with everything that I am...nothing. Once again, I can say that God's plans for my life are far greater than anything I could have possibly envisioned. I think that little girl with the hairbrush would be very proud of the woman holding the mic today.

There is a song that I used to sing as a little girl called "Go Glad". Little did I know how this song would express just want I've expressed here in this post. Link: read lyric to "So Glad".