Paved Paradise

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP - no, it's not the obnoxious sound of my alarm clock at 7am, it's the obnoxious sound of a bulldozer backing up at 7am. At this point it might as well back right into my bedroom and take me out - or at least that's how I feel about it at that moment.

When we decided to sell our first house and find another, the one thing I knew I wanted most was to be closer to nature. I would much rather look at something God-made than man-made. So when we bought the house we now live in, we chose it because of the beautiful, private, unobstructed view of nothing but hills and tree - a true rarity in this overly developed part of Texas. It's a ridge that overlooks Corp of Engineers land backing up to a Lake. It's home to several species of wild life. Often at night, we've fallen asleep to the hooting of a white barn owl and been awaken by the loud howling of a pack of coyotes. Many a day I've watched the graceful cranes fly out over the house and settle over in the pond. The big open sky has make for the most magnificent sunsets. It's a restful, peaceful place. Or at least it was.

As the bulldozers continue taking down trees and flattening the land just beyond the Corp land to make more homes, I can't help but feel indignant. Money doesn't grow on trees, I guess that's why they tore them down...so the new home owners can pay a premium for tiny new ones. Soon there will be a long row of homes, stacked together like sardines bordering our view.

So where there once was graceful old trees that had probably been there since the pioneers settled the land, there is now nothing but mountains of mulch. Don't get me wrong, I'm no tree-hugger. I would never have staged a "sit-in" in one of those trees and stayed there until they chop me down with it, but I do have respect for what God took the time and care to create.

I'm the kind that has a hard time throwing out a poinsettia after Christmas. It's not so much that I feel sorry for the plant, it's that I know that the loving hand of the Creator made an investment in that seemingly worthless little display of creativity.

The Bible says that not even a sparrow falls that God doesn't take notice. God called man to use the earth wisely, to take care of it and to respect it, not destroy it. That being said, let me also state that while God probably understands my heart on this matter, it doesn't mean He doesn't want to change it. Yes, while there is value in His creation, He also wants me to see that this is not my home. I shouldn't get too comfortable because I'm just passing through. All this will soon pass way and any fretting done on my part is in vain.

So as I now sit watching the dirt piles being moved around like chess pieces, instead of daydreaming about pelleting the construction trucks with my BB gun, I raise my white flag in a show of solidarity. Besides at my heavenly home, the view will be mind-blowing and there will be no bulldozers...can't wait!

Almost Famous

Lying on the floor in our living room, staring at the black and white images of the 4 Boone sisters on the cover of their LP- I dreamed, even then, of singing my way to fame. I don't remember how old I was, but I couldn't have been much older than 3.

Singing and dancing have been a part of my story since the very beginning and I've got the video footage to prove it. I was that typical kid- singing into the hairbrush in front of the mirror- but I wasn't just playing, in my mind, I was practicing for the real thing. From the Grease Soundtrack in the late seventies, a leopard printed Amy Grant in the eighties, to the discovery of "my style of music" in the Sheryl Crow of the nineties, I don't recall a time where music didn't define the mindset of the moment.

Growning up in a fairly conservative Christian home, made my musical influences somewhat limited for the majority of my young life. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because it caused me to discover the distinctions between the secular and the sacred. Praise and worship music was a constant even when bookended by "Stayin' Alive" or "Billy Jean". I sensed a difference then, I know the difference now- one can, at best, hope to chance my mood, the other can change my life.

This became all too clear a few years back when my life truly came to a personal crossroads. In my mid-twenties, I started to seriously pursue avenues that I thought would lead me to my place in the music industry. I wrote songs, took guitar classes, voice lessons and joined a few bands as a back-up singer. I was loving every minute of it when I was offered a full fledged position as the lead singer for a local secular band. If I were to accept the job, it would mean that I would have all my weekends reserved for shows and I would be very busy with traveling and promotions.

To anyone with a life-long dream like mine, this would seem like a huge opportunity. But instead of being elated, I felt completely deflated- like someone had sucked the life right out of me. I think I had come to realize I was empty. There was nothing life giving or life affirming in what I was doing. I could get out there and sing my heart out to a song and it meant nothing...to me or to anyone listening. I was waisting my breath.

The day came where I had to give the band manager my decision. I was riding in the car with Jason begging him for advice and assurance of what I was supposed to do. I don't remember what I was saying, but mid-sentence I stopped. I stopped because I heard the voice of the Lord saying loud and clear, "I gave you a voice so that you would sing for Me!"

I'm sure that if I could have seen my face at that moment, my eyes would have been opened wide and my mouth wide open. After a few seconds in that shocked state, I said "Oh my gosh! I'm supposed to be a worship leader!" At this point, I'm sure Jason was aware that there was some kind of internal dialog going on which preceded my statement, to which he responded, "Well finally!"

I don't know how long Jason had been telling me that same thing, but I wasn't listening. Singing secular music was "safe" for me. I didn't feel vulnerable, I didn't feel any emotions that I couldn't control, I didn't feel any responsibility for anything. It wasn't until I heard it- straight from the mouth of God- that I was willing to take on what I now see as my life's calling. It's a scary thing to jump out of the boat onto the raging sea of the unknown and keep your eyes firmly focused on Jesus to keep you walking on the water.

I guess it's been about 4 years now since I accepted the "call". I never dreamed back in the days of my childhood that my love of music would have lead me here. It's so much more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. Fame has nothing on leading God's people to His feet and worshiping Him with everything that I am...nothing. Once again, I can say that God's plans for my life are far greater than anything I could have possibly envisioned. I think that little girl with the hairbrush would be very proud of the woman holding the mic today.

There is a song that I used to sing as a little girl called "Go Glad". Little did I know how this song would express just want I've expressed here in this post. Link: read lyric to "So Glad".